One lazy evening in school, I was taking a stroll with my friend and roomie when the following conversation ensued: Conversations
“How difficult is it for a guy to get laid in this school?”
“Err… I don’t know really. But it is quite difficult. It takes a lot of work… em, unless you have money”
“Oh really? I wasn’t expecting you to say that. I mean, you’ve had it quite easy. I know a little about your sexcapades, if not all”
“*laughs* You are not serious”
“I’m as serious as a heart attack hommie”
“Well, we can get you a runs girl, if you’re so desperate”
“Psst please! I don’t want a runs girl and I’m not desperate. God, I hate that word! Anyways, if I want a runs girl, I’ll get one myself”
“So what are you on about?”
“Just take this as a subtle cry for help”
“Ahem”
We heard a girl riding on bike call out to my friend. He told her to stop and turn the bike around. While she’s still sitting on the bike, they got talking. The bike-man looked straight ahead, pretending he’s not listening. They talked about her living so close to the area and my friend have never paid her a visit. He expressed willingness to oblige. At one point, he touched her hair, commenting how beautiful it is, asking if she just made it and how much it cost. She asked if he wanna pay for it. They engaged in such banter for a while. She soon left and we continued on our way.
“Hmm…is that one of them?” I asked.
“One of what? That’s the girl I told you wants to do me jor!”
“Pause. What makes you think she wants to do you?”
“Err…She always throws herself at me… she sits down on my lap in class… she calls out to me everytime she sees me… I just know she wants to do me. It’s like someone told her some things about me”
“I think she must have heard about your gigantic phallus”
*explodes into a wild laughter* “Gigantic phallus ko, gigantic phallus ni”
*laughing too* “Hey, I lie?”
“Shut up jor!”
“So, what’s the problem?”
“I told you, she’s older than me. Can’t you see how big she is? She’d pass for a married woman any day”
“So what? She’s do-able. And you are capable”
*laughs* “I’m capable abi?”
“Yeah…like Banky”
*More laughter*
“Weyrey boy. Seriously, I’m not interested”
“Oh please! I just saw you flirting with her. Stop pretending like you don’t want to do”
“Walahi, I’m serious”
“Bet why though? It can’t be because she’s old. I’ve seen you with bigger girls before… there’s Busty, and that other girl in the UK. Moreover, she’s not that fat. And she’s pretty. I’d totally do her if I were you”
“Well, that’s you. Me, I’m not interested”
“You lucky bastard”
“Weyrey leleyi ni? Me, lucky bastard?”
“Hey, I just had to say it. What I’d give to have what you have”
“Shey you want ni? I can give you if you want o!”
“That’s nice of you but no, thanks. You know I don’t like fat girls. Plus, you are the capable one, not me”
“Oshi”
“But seriously, you should do that girl. Think about the benefits, apart from the coitus that is”
“Hmm…I know what you are talking about but seriously, I don’t want to. I don’t want trouble”
“Hello…how’s that trouble?”
“For one, she might have a serious relationship and the guy might be in this school. I don’t want to get threatened because of a girl”
“I’ve never known you to be afraid of threat. Guy, you’re falling my hand o”
“Hey, what kind of friend are you anyway?”
“The kind that advices his friend not to pass on an offer of free coitus, even in the face of threat”
*shakes his head* “You get craze for head, no doubt about that. See, it’s not only about the threat. I don’t want a girl to fall in love with me, that’s why I always chop and run”
“Err…forgive me but I don’t see how that’s a bad thing”
“It’s a bad thing, trust me. I know how bad it can get. My brother had it bad, more than once sef. I know what he went through and I don’t want that to happen to me. Plus, I’m a good guy, I don’t want to go around breaking girls hearts”
“Hmm…you have a valid point there but I still don’t see that as a deterrent”
“I don’t know… My mind is just not in this one”
“That’s what you’ll say, before long now, I’ll hear you done did her”
“No, I won’t”
“Okay, I hear you”
THE END.
iEsquire 